Sometimes I see clouds hovering right above the horizon and for a second, think they are the snow-capped peaks of a mountain range.
Or I am startled by the sound of the people at the table next to me in a coffee shop speaking in English.
I catch myself reusing ziploc bags and scraping out peanut butter jars with a spatula. Those things are luxuries.
Last night I had my eyes closed and for a second thought I was on the bottom bunk and should be careful when I rolled over so the bed wouldn't wobble and creak and wake up Sister in the top bunk.
Sometimes I still wish for the six-month winter.
A lot of times I wish I didn't have to say now that I've been back in the States for three and a half years. That's a long time.
A lot of times there is a second in which I feel like I am seeing myself in third person and I think "what am I doing here??" Here in Oklahoma. In America. At OU. In this classroom. With these people. How did this happen. Do I belong here? How did I get here? Am I okay with this?
Yes. I guess.
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2 comments:
another one of these posts, eh?
oh, little shuey... I understand, but allow me to vomit out an idea for you to sift through. Or, in other words, here is a used ziploc--see if you can't scrounge any remaining morsels.
your desires are apparently ever-present and yet vague. you should solidify them but perhaps only for the sake of making it easier for you to force those desires/intentions to yield to the process you are currently undergoing.
intention must yield to process... unless, of course, the process is evil. But, otherwise, venture in your current context (venture wholly). be wise and experiment. get in trouble(?). fail(?!). see what happens.
"what am I doing here??" -do something and find out what you are doing here, yeh?
in conclusion, yell at pedestrians.
sigh. i've been having a few of "those" kind of days lately myself, Sally. :(( my current facebook status of "cursing the distance" has to do with such meditations. i wish i could be there... but am here.
i don't think you're a very huggy type of person, and neither am i, so instead of writing :hug:, i'll say :slap on back: or :arm around shoulder:. ;)
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