just start it off

and we'll see where this one goes...

The paper is due tomorrow, so I will be blogging regularly.

Starts and Finishes:
I think when I put this on my list a couple weeks ago it meant something different, but I'm not sure so I will just free associate the meaning I ascribe to that phrase at this moment. Actually, I think what it meant then is that I was thinking about the fact that I had just finished a summer in L'viv and was starting a new semester at OU. It's an interesting transition. You should try it sometime.

This time of life is all about starts and finishes. High school, college, singleness, marriage. Semesters, classes, jobs. I think along with that is a lot of goodbyes and corresponding hellos. (Or a lot of hellos and corresponding goodbyes?)

The last few weeks have left me feeling a little trapped and claustrophobic. This is odd. Don't worry, I will tell you why.

[McDonald's is classy in Odessa]

About a year ago I had finished my sophomore year and had spent a summer in OK/Russia/NJ/TX. Then I went to Saint Petersburg for a semester. Then I was in Norman for a semester. Then I was in Ukraine for a summer. That is a lot of moving around, change, and variety. Now I am back in Norman, but for a year. I haven't spent a consecutive year somewhere since...well, two years ago. And so the thought of being in the same place, in the same house, with the same friends and surroundings and people, makes me feel a little claustrophobic.

This is odd because it is only a year, and I like being here.

I felt this way at the beginning of college. I came in as a freshman and knew I was going to be in this place for four years. Saying hi to the same people that I pass on the South Oval every week for four years. That was overwhelming to me because I haven't ever spent four consecutive years in a place without going somewhere for at least a few months sometime in the middle. And it was overwhelming, but I did end up moving around in the middle so it wasn't so bad.

[sunset from the roof of my apt in L'viv]

There's this weird tension in me between extreme wanderlust/restlessness/adventurousness and extreme resistance to change and movement.

Hm.

That might be why I am thinking about starts and finishes. I just started a new year of college. I just finished a summer. I am starting the beginning of the end, though. Soon I will finish college and start the big SOMETHING ELSE.

Stay tuned.

[clock tower on the L'viv square at nighttime]

keep in touch!

[Carpathian rainbow...not my photography]

Since I have to write a paper, I think I will post on my blog. I'll choose a couple of topics from that other post and write about them. Because writing for no grade is always better than writing for a grade.

Keeping in Touch: wow, I have immediately gotten off topic. I typed those words and then decided to capitalize them. But you don't capitalize the In because it is a preposition. Which made me think of when I learned that you are supposed to capitalize Is but nobody does because it is such a small word. But everybody should because it is just another verb like all the others, and shouldn't be left out cause it's small.

So, about keeping in touch. The nature of my entire life has meant that there is always somebody I am keeping in touch with, who is not in the same geographical location as me, but with whom I do not want to lose contact. Especially since leaving Kazakhstan and then coming to college and then my family moving (meaning, in the last five years).

There are a variety of ways to keep in touch. When I was little my family sent faxes to my grandparents. That is pretty old school. Phone calls cost $3.50 per minute when we first moved overseas. Then was the advent of email. None of this really affected me until seventh grade when I went on furlough. I emailed back and forth with my friends in Kazakhstan for nine months, from my parents' email address. I think I remember adding something to the end in white font so that my parents wouldn't read it...and telling my friend to highlight it so that she could. I'm sure it was top-secret.

In 10th grade I got an email address (yahoo...have since switched to the superior gmail) when we came back to the US. I emailed back and forth with friends still in Kazakhstan. This long-distance relationship culminated in me going back to KZ to visit them for their graduation from high school. That was back when I was good at keeping in touch.

When I came to college I got my own laptop and a Facebook account. WHOA. The world is now open. Anyone that is not on Facebook, I can basically not stay in contact with.

[in Ukraine]

A year after that my family moved to Russia. My family are email freaks. We email a lot. I do it the least of all of us, but that is a big way for us to stay in touch. That was also when we really harnessed the beauty that is Skype. That year was also when I discovered Gmail chat (G-chat, for short). No more instant messenger!

[in Russia]

Around this time I also started blogging. In January or something I bought a webcam. DOUBLE WHOA. How awesome is it to see the person you're skyping with and to have them see you. I show them my room. They show me theirs. Amazing. And really great for keeping track of growing siblings.

[in Peru]

So anyway. There's also letter-writing, which I have done sporadically. Also notice I haven't included phone on here. I do talk on the phone, but it is not my favorite. I don't know. It's good for people who are in the US but not in Norman.

[in Russia]

But keeping in touch is really hard. I never know how to do it. And with friends or family with whom I keep in touch currently residing in Russia, Ukraine, Peru, Sweden, all over the US, and other places, it is just hard.

[in Ukraine, VA, OH]

Skype is my preference. It's hard to beat for nearness to reality. G-chat is hard to beat for convenience. Facebook is hard to beat for stalking, and knowing what people are up to without actually talking to them. But oh how I sometimes wish that everybody were in the same place.

[out my window in L'viv...not my photography]

Prayer for Ukraine

[old people singing a Ukrainian national[istic] song]

[old women hanging out downtown]

We sang this song at and after camp. I understood a lot of it in Ukrainian, but I did not write the translation. The melody and Ukrainian words are beautiful.

Молитва за Україну

Моя молитва нехай лине
До Тебе, наче фіміам.
І серце лине без зупину
В чудовий Твій небесний храм.

Боже, я молю за Україну,
Боже, молю тебе за людей,
Ти їх прости,
Ти їх спаси,
І милість Твою нам яви.
Боже, я знаю,
Що Ти будеш з нами
В храмі Твоєму під небесами
Радість і мир Ти дарував,
Життя для людей віддав,
В Книгу Життя нас записав!

В Своєму Слові Живому,
Ти для людей ведіння дав,
Щоб люди всі молились Богу,
Що на Хресті за нас вмирав.[singing this song, at one of the meetings after camp]

Prayer For Ukraine

May my prayer go
To you like the aroma of incense
And the heart drawn without ceasing
Into your glorious heavenly temple

God, I pray for Ukraine
God, I pray for its people
May you forgive them
May you save them
And show us your mercy

God, I know you are going to be with us
In your temple under the heavens
You gifted us with your joy and peace
You gave your life for the people
You inscribed us in the Book of Life

In your Living Word
You laid out the vision for life
So that all the people would pray to God
To the one who died for them on the cross[Andriy, Andriy, Roman and Khrystyna]

story time

[Lviv from the clock tower. the bronze dome is the Dominican cathedral]

Today is September 11. I have a friend whose birthday is today. Those terrorists...ruining everything for her. On 9-11-2001 I was in eighth grade in Kazakhstan. The day was normal and I went to bed then got up to get a drink of water and my parents told me the World Trade Center had been hit by planes. I didn't know what the WTC was, but I saw people jumping out of the buildings on TV. I went back to bed, prayed for the people involved, and woke up the next morning to the full story. My parents had been watching tv all night. We still went to school that day though some Americans didn't.

Anyway, I feel like everyone tells their "what were you doing when JFK got shot"...I mean, "what were you doing when 9-11 happened" stories, and mine doesn't involve sitting in classroom on a Tuesday morning, so I thought I would contribute.

So I also feel like expanding on some of the stuff from my last post. And continuing the trend of including a picture at the beginning and end of the post. If I keep doing this with every post, you will have seen all my pictures from Ukraine by about 2724 a.d.

[bonfire at English camp]

SCHOOL: I am now a senior and have everything figured out. I know where the good study spots are, where the nearest bathroom is, which line to stand in at the food court, whether you call a professor "Dr." or "Professor" (actually, still don't know this one), what to do with my free time, what questions to ask freshmen (hm, still get that wrong sometimes. apparently "do you have a major" is not the best one), what classes to take. All that. I am 100% secure and adjusted.

not.

In some ways, yes, I am used to campus life. But I still can't manage my time. I still waste time. I still don't read for class, I will still cram for tests and stay up writing papers. I still don't know how to talk to people. I still don't know what I'm doing with my life.

In some ways (love that phrase), it seems like I have learned nothing in college. What am I here for? Academically, I pick up a few things here and there. That doesn't seem worth four years of my life. But then I think about the person I was three years ago, and I realize I've changed a lot. That sounds trite. And it wasn't due to college, but college is a unique situation in which change can happen. So I am thankful for this funny period in my life. It is soon going to be over. This is both exciting and nerve-wracking. But that is another post, probably.

Classes are not bad. I only have 9 class hours and then one independent study class where I write a research paper on Russian lit. Not too bad. I have no class on Monday or Friday.
But classes are also not great. I am not very excited about any of them. I don't know if this is senioritis. I don't think so. Not this early. Please. But it's some sort of loss of interest.

OU Financial Aid is frustrating.

[Stare Misto rock festival. Six Russian and Ukrainian bands in seven hours. Good stuff]

follow-up

[coffee shop in L'viv called Svit Kavy, or World of Coffee]

It seems like I can't stop with a post like the last one. That wouldn't be nice. Thanks for the input, O Readers. I had some of you figured out, and the comments helped. I mainly was really bewildered by hits from Taipei and Sweden. I figured out who Sweden was (hi Rach!) and don't know about Taipei, but oh well.

This is apparently my 200th post. Bicentennial! Congratulations, me. After two years and three months, I have reached 200.

I don't have much to say, as I am still deciphering exactly what it is that I am doing and thinking about these days. Here's some of what seems to be on my mind:

school
Ukraine
keeping in touch
friendship
gossip
anger
identity and calling
graduation
boundaries
starts and finishes
Bible studies
body image
small talk
freshmen
roommates
Lermontov
mercy ministry
fashion in culture
culture shock and re-entry
missions
art and photography
scheduling and free time

It seems like a lot when I list it like that. Maybe I will expand on some of those in future posts.

[the peak of Mount Elbrus, as seen from base camp]

readers

Question: Who Are You?

I am a little bit at a loss here. This blogging business lately has left me despairing. I mean, I don't know what to write about. Should I write something? Should I post pictures? Should I give it up?

Part of the problem is this: when you are writing, it is important to know your audience. Well, I don't really know mine. The people that comment are basically people here in Norman. But when I go to my statcounter (yes, I do track you people as much as I know how to), I've got people reading from all over the place.

Taipei? UK? Sweden? Holland? France? Russia? (oh wait...)
Houston, Colorado, San Francisco, Tulsa, Florida, Edmond, Mustang, New York, DC, Kansas, Massachusetts, Georgia, Seattle....?

Who are you? I have my guesses (for some of you), but it's weird. I write stuff and I don't know who reads it. That sometimes feels distressing.

oh well, I guess, right? I don't know. Maybe you'll comment and tell me.
I'll leave you with a photo - the sun setting over the Carpathian Mountains. Idyllic.